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Hailie

To find someone you love, You gotta be someone you love. To find someone you love, You gotta call your own bluff. -"Concrete Bed", Nada Surf

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We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? (from OUR DEEPEST FEAR by Marianne Williamson)

Hailie is a 23 24 year-old girl who moves in the sometimes harsh reality under the name Karen. She loves reading, especially classical books and books written by Jeffrey Archer. She is a self-confessed ham who loves taking the center stage. She loves dancing and singing - but that doesn't mean she knows how to dance and sing. Her never-wavering dream is to become an actress...no kidding. A DVD addict, her favorite shopping places are Quiapo and Divisoria. She also recently discovered St. Francis Square, where she now shops for clothes, shoes, and anything Hello Kitty. Currently dreaming of owning an PlayStation PortableiTouch, pink Moto Razr Okwap i885, a portable DVD player, and the black pink DS Lite. She salivates everytime she sees the still-to-be-released recently-released Sony PlayStation 3 and Nintendo Wii. In love with life, love, and Frank Lampard Brandon Routh Joo Ji-hoon Milo Ventimiglia Daniel Henney (the last item changes from time to time...shifts from Rafael Nadal to Won Bin to Josh Hartnett or whoever). Her ultimate goal in life is to die happy.



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Sunday, November 26, 2006

Of Rs (and an H)

From the previous entry: "My thoughts revolve around three Rs right now."

...and it's down to two.

Or not.

Or...I'm not really sure.

...

...

...

* * * R1 * * *

The first of the Rs - the one who was supposed to be eliminated from the list.

I don't really know if I wanted to write about you. Or how kilig I get (or got; or whatever) whenever I'm around you. Or whenever you send me a "you look like a Playboy bunny" text of sorts. Or...stop. Stop. Stop.

That day you sent me an offline message asking me if it was my off, I didn't close that window until the end of shift. Yeah, pathetic. But can you blame me? Every inch of my body was awashed with kilig.

Was.

Because the morning I saw you next, I felt, bleh. And there was a part of me that wished - and knew - it will stay that way.

And I was wrong.

Dead wrong.

And then there was this day - I can't remember when exactly - where I looked at you and all I could notice was how red your lips were. And how long your fingers are. And how effin' hot you are when you're just sarcastic. And I said to myself, " God, he *is* fuckable."

Fuckable. Yeah. That's how I used to call you.

I mean, that's how I call you. Without the "used to".

Or...

I dunno.

I'm confused.

Or just plain fickle-minded.

But this I'm sure of: I loved it that you found the site of my "black brasserie's right cup" an "intriguing distraction"...

* * * R2 * * *

Probably the biggest crush I have at the office right now.

One.hot.guy. (At least that's what I think. Gay friend Mhac *ehem* thought otherwise...until this morning, that is, when Mhac saw R2 upclose and all he could mutter was "Who was that? Me like him...")

R2 is the star of Hailie's "push pin" daydreams (yes, you read that right - DAYdream). In short, I wanna be dominated by him.

Yet when we face each other outside of my dreams, the interaction becomes so...highschool-ish. Or even gradeschool-ish. Yet somehow, I'm loving it. This sense of innocence only heightens the air of sexiness his presence brings.

And the next time he threatens to throw his bag at me, I know I'll be retorting with another smart comment. But deep inside, I'll be saying, "Ooh...yummy."

(And BTW...R2 looks like the guy in upcoming ABS-CBN Kdrama Princess Hours. Yummy, indeed.)

* * * R3 * * *

Cuteness.

That's how I call him. And I don't know when or how or - my god - WHY...but I just fell for him.

All I know is that when I'm around him, I feel so happy. And safe. And myself.

And I haven't felt that way in a long time.

But I now know that it's so hard to hope. So eventhough I'm so aching to take things a step further, chillax lang muna. Besides, kahit na masakit aminin (at ayoko aminin), alam kong ako lang may gustong i-take siya sa next level...

Why do R3 - and the things happening - remind me oh so much of Hallel?

* * * ...and the H * * *

Speaking of Hallel...

There...I said (or wrote?) his name. The ever-elusive "Charles".

I really, really, really have to have that closure. He gave me that opportunity. And just when it was about to happen, he took it away...AGAIN. And that was the second time.

Fuck.

When will I ever learn?!?!

Tanga nga ako.

Tanga.

Sana naman I've learned enough to let go.

To move on.

Shit...I really need to move on.

But I have this feeling it's gonna take another seven months.

Or more.

Pathetic.

And I've officially turned yuckers with all these mush. Sadly, wala akong pang-kambyo. Talagang I need to end this entry in mush.

Happily, meron akong pang-kambyo...

* * * Seven songs * * *

Tagged by Tonton...

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your LiveJournal/blog along with your seven songs.
  1. Jealous by Nina (ayan ka, mush pa din pala)
  2. Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado
  3. Start of Something New by Zac Efron and Vanessa Anne Hudgens
  4. What I've Been Looking For by Ashley Tisdale and Lucas Grabeel
  5. Mata by Mojofly
  6. Who The Hell Are You by Madison Avenue
  7. Variation on Canon by Pachelbel (the My Sassy Girl version)
  8. *alam ko seven lang...pero last na...promise - tee-hee!* Erase and Rewind by The Cardigans (kasalanan mo 'to Mabie!!!)

Feeling: Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Confused (yet again)
All ears: Jealous Nina
Lost in: Ladies' Own Erotica Kensington Ladies' Erotica Society and The Art of Seduction Robert Greene


| hAiLiE posted at 9:10:00 PM | |