Hailie

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Unselfishness

Today was Karen's day of big realization: the world will be a much better place if everybody just stops to think of others.

The day started out with me seeing these two kids sharing a small cup of corn. The way they ate, it seemed like they haven't eaten in days. Like, they've almost forgotten how food really tasted and groveled at the chance for hot, tasty nourishment. It was such a pitiful sight. And it just made me realize that the world has so many problems, half - or maybe even 80, 90% - of which are bigger than my own. At that moment, I wanted to say, "From now on, I'll always think about others." But I know how hard that really is. Because at times, most of the times, we tend to be selfish. It's human nature.

Yet I guess the day was meant to turn me into a more giving person.

I've never denied it, I'm a One Tree Hill fan. In fact, one of the reasons I've chosen a Sunday off is to be able to watch the OTH rerun on etc. Since it was a Sunday, I watched the drama of the Tree Hill kids. As fate would have it, today's episode fell on "With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept" where Jimmy - a relatively unpopular kid always picked on by the bullies - toted a gun to school and caused ruckus and an almost hostage situation that ended in him killing himself (and the evil Dan murdering his brother Keith, but that's not the focus of this entry). I was crying almost the whole time while watching tonight's OTH offering. All because the central topic of "With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept" struck a chord in me. Let me take you to Jimmy's world...

As he said, he was tired of it all - being invisible. Or being visible only when people needed somebody to bully, to put down. Tired of being a loser. Of feeling that nobody really cared. Of the fact that nobody really knew him beyond being a "fat ass". He was eternally afraid of going to school. Then one day, he had to take a leave. He was so into anti-depressants that he had to take treatments and missed some school days. For him, being away from the cause of his misery was such a nice feeling. But he had to go back. And it's as if nothing happened. As if nobody reall noticed he was gone. He is a nice kid, it's just that nobody really noticed. Until he brought that gun.

It's easy to say that it's hard to get to know everybody around you, that it takes a lot to get into other people's drama. But that's such a stale excuse. Okay, it requires effort. And it's hard. But we need to make that effort. We need to reach out. It not only makes us sane, makes us feel that we have a good life (as Menander pointed out, "Consider other men's troubles; that will comfort yours") - it also makes those who truly suffer feel like all is not lost, that somebody actually cares enough to help. To reach out.

And after a purge of tears, I actually felt lighter. And I know I'll feel lighter when I achieve what I'm determined to achieve: become a less selfish person.

When one feels troubled, one must think of those who truly suffer.

Feeling:

Humbled
All ears: Jesus Take the Wheel Carrie Underwood
Trapped: Hunger Elise Blackwell

| hAiLiE posted at 11:26:00 PM | |

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Stories

Goodbye Sunken, Hello Makati

The week it happened, I was really pining for my walks around U.P.'s Sunken Garden. They were always calming. And eventhough they never solved my problems, they always eased my tired thinking mind and - even for just awhile - put me to a world where no problems exist. Maybe it's the non-achievement of the missed Sunken walks that made me irritable. Or maybe it's the boss picking on me. But on that day, I was just really on a bad mood. And Pok had a suggestion: canned beer, while walking around Makati. Walking. Nice. Walking with alcohol. Nicer. Makati may not be Sunken, but it will do for that night.

And many nights, it seems.

That night started a great tradition for Pok and me. But that's getting ahead of the story. Back to that one night...

Alcohol in hand (concealed, of course), we walked around Makati aimlessly. I don't even remember what exactly we talked about. But of course office issues won't be missing. And the usual chika and tsismis. And jabs at fashion. And love stories. Or the non-existence of it. All I remember is that the calming effect that walks around Sunken Garden had was also present in that night we walked around Makati. And we both felt it. And we both knew it wasn't the last night we'll be doing what we have dubbed as aimless walks.

Sunken, for now I bid you adieu. Karen has found a new haven. Hello, Makati.

* * * *

Aimless Walk 2

When we said that the aimless walk won't be the last, we didn't know its follow-up will come really soon. Speak "next night" soon.

Everybody at the PM shift had a bad office day. And they were introduced to the aimless walks. Just like the night before, aimless walk office edition was nice. It had the same effect: at the end of the night, office matters were buried and we all went home (hopefully) feeling better.

* * * *

CineMALAYA

It was a perfect day. Pok and I spent our day watching indie films vying for fame (and prize money) at the annual indie filmmaking compet, CineMALAYA. We watched In Da Red Corner (blah, could've been promising though with its nice premise), Shorts A [Labada, Gee-Gee at Waterina, No Passport Needed, 10:25 Ng Gabi, and Kuwarto] (really fun, except for 10:25 Ng Gabi, which was depressing and No Passport Needed, which was really predictable), and Nasaan Si Happiness (kulang but still a fun watch).

The day was also an eye-opener. That day, I had before me the "where you should be" scenario. That - production - should be what I'm doing. And in a world I considered my own, I suddenly felt lost. And I felt the need to go back. Which I hope I'll be doing soon with Pok's brilliant idea.

The day was capped with our favorite Gerardo's chicken with white sauce. Plus a 'meaningful' stare from neighbor krushie.

*I missed Ang Huling Araw ng Linggo, Rotonda, Tulad ng Dati, and Donsol...I wish I'll be able to watch 'em still. ='(

* * * *

Neighbor Krushie

He's been giving me "the stare" lately. 'Yun lang. =p

* * * *

U.P., What Happened?

"Chris Tiu is one cute guy. But I hate him...he's one of the reasons U.P. lost. You know the drill, walang hihirit. Unless you wanna feel the wrath of one Karen Regpala. Hehe! ", BTW, Toti Almeda was standing beside me awhile ago. Heaven."

Read my text message to Rem after U.P.'s game against Ateneo (which I watched with Loi, who had a sign that said, "YOU HAVE BEEN MAROONED" - a sign captured by the UAAP cameras a couple of times, which is eewie because U.P. lost!). U.P. had a good start and lagged at the end of third to fourth quarter. In the end, we lost (I don't remember the score). Aargh. I'd like to say babawi kami, but...

We lost the third game to Adamson University. Also had a great start. But we lost by two points. Sigh.

* * * *

Charles

I am playing with fire. . . . . . . . .

* * * *

Attached Guy Magnet

Yep, that's me. I don't know why, but I seem to attarct guys who are not single. And tonight just made me realize that.

A lesson in Karen history:

- My mom's friend. Very much married, with three kids. The nerve of the guy, he kept asking my mom to introduce him to me.

- Lorenz. Living in with his "wife" whom he has a kid with. And when he tried to make a play at me, his "wife" was pregnant.

- Benj. The bestfriend who kept on inviting me out for a date but who turned out to be attached. And yes, he still kept on inviting me out even after telling me he had a girlfriend (and I'm pretty sure it was not just a 'friendly' date...I know this guy too much).

- Migs. Went out on a date (or is that two?) with him and found out later on that he had a girlfriend.

- Those numerous DOMs at a conference I video-crewed for. They were all married and kept asking for my number. One even said he'll send me load. Yuck.

- Benj again. I gave him a second chance. Stupid move. He was still attached. Grr.

- Eugene. He started being nice and all to me. Okay, not nice...flirty. Calling me at my house, throwing "You're getting prettier" comments almost everyday, etc. And he told me he was single. Thanks to beloved friends, I found out that he was actually married. Rawr.

- Gay vocalist. I've mentioned him before. That friggin' a$$h*le.

The latest addition to this list is this guy who approached me tonight. He seemed nice and all, making small conversations, throwing li'l compliments here and there. He even offered to take me home. Of course I said no, this was the first time I met the guy! And later on, he asked me if I have a boyfriend to which I have another "no" for an answer. And what did he say next? "Ako may girlfriend. Six years na kami." WTF? And he was really blunt in saying that he was attracted to me AFTER ADMITTING THAT HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!!

* * * *

The End x7

Feeling:

Giddy

All ears: I Won't Say (I'm In Love) The Cheetah Girls ---> I'm on Disney mood these days!

Trapped: Hunger Elise Blackwell

| hAiLiE posted at 11:40:00 PM | |

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Hailie's Ramblings

U.P. is off to a good start on UAAP's Season 69, beating UST 94-92. May this be the start to that UAAP Finals we have all been cheering for in the past who-knows-how-long.

UP Fight! Up Fight! UP Fight!

* * * *

Tonight is the Men's Finals at Wimbledon. I'm cheering for Rafael Nadal. Not just because he already won the French Open, but I honestly think he's on the road to being one of the greatest tennis champs of all time.

* * * *

And Karen had a date with sister dear this afternoon, finally giving in to pleadings that we watch what is arguably the most awaited movie of the year, Superman Returns.

The movie was...pretty. Not beautiful. Just pretty. It was so good visually but I don't think I can exactly say the same for the story and the execution. There were moments that the movie was so blah, and there were moments that it was exceptionally amazing - whether it was because the movie really had its great moments or because Brandon Routh was such a yummy Superman, don't ask me...I personally don't know. Haha! Give me time to view the movie three to four more times and I'll give you an honest answer.

Yet I do have to agree with Ryan when he said that the movie gives viewers a sense of detachment. It does have the ability to make you, as the viewier, feel like you really are just an outsider looking in. Superman returned, so what? Lois Lane had a child that can most possibly be Superman's, I don't care. Lex Luthor now has the power to create a whole new world and I don't give a damn. Sayang. Especially in a superhero movie, it's important to feel that connection, the involvement of the audience. After all, you are watching someone who is supposed to be your hero, whom you are supposed to love. But if the movie made you feel as if this whole damn thing is fictional, then you also don't care much about what happens to the character. This time out, I'll be honest by saying that I only cried when Superman was (*spoiler ahead*) in the brink of death in the hospital because I'd hate to see Superman go withiout him knowing that he has a son...and because I'd hate to miss the chance to see Brandon Routh appear as Superman in big screen again. Hehe!

But I'll give it to Bryan Singer, the director. He really made the film so nice to look at that if you're an ordinary moviegoer, you can't help but be awed. It's your typical, "OMG! That was such an awesome movie. Did you see the effects? Wow." movie.

* * * *

You must have noticed by now that Karen is so taken by Brandon Routh. He's one hot guy. The first time I saw him - in posters - I was like, "That guy is so Photoshop-ed. Surreal." If you had the same reaction, let me tell you...you have to see this person move and act and you'll know he's for real. That he is a breathing human being. And then you can't help but fall in love with him. All throughout the movie I must have uttered, "Ang guwapo niya" a million times! My God, he's truly the man of my dreams...

Or maybe not.

* * * *

Because the same afternoon I watched Superman, I saw Mark Bautista. Sigh. I love that guy.

* * * *

Does the world really need a Superman?

Yes.

And no.

I'm already too excited for a Bulacan fiesta that I don't have too many smart words right now to explain my answer. Next time. Maybe. But not now. ^^

Feeling:

Super Happy
All ears: still Buwan Wickermoss

| hAiLiE posted at 9:28:00 PM | |

Saturday, July 08, 2006

I Am...

Yes. Those three heart-ridden cuties can only mean Hailie's in lurve. Well, maybe not in love...just...in...do we actually have a term for liking someone so much you want to be with him every single second but you're not ready to admit just yet that you're in love with him? If we do, then that's what I am. That's the state I'm in.

I have been trying to fend off this fuzzy feeling I get whenever object of affection's around. Why? I don't know...it just didn't feel...right. Don't ask me why.

But now, I just couldn't contain myself. I have to announce that I'm in a perpetual moment of kilig. That I'm so taken by this certain person that I can't stop thinking about him...I can't stop looking at him...I can't stop flashing him a big smile that makes me look so, so stupid! And even at the risk of him finding out that I'm so taken by his presence, I still try to catch a glimpse of him everytime I get the chance to. I can't help it!!!

It's such a nice, nice feeling though. Haven't felt so "highschool-ish" in a long time. And I decided I'd like to bask in the feeling rather than stave it off. Happy, happy days are here again...and I hope they're here to stay. ^^

Feeling: Isn't it obvious?!?!
All ears: Buwan Wickermoss

| hAiLiE posted at 7:29:00 PM | |

Friday, July 07, 2006

Karen's Crazy World Episode 3

***this will be the last of my crazy episodes...and thankfully, this one's not as crazy as the last two! =)

Karen's Crazy World Epsiode 4: Of Girl Talks, 'Water', and C2...This Shall Happen Again! (June 5 going June 6)

After two weeks of an almost-everyday encounter with 'water', Annabs and I decided that it's but right to stay away from 'water' for some time just so our sytem can detoxify. So that's what we've been doing. Until...

Honestly, work's starting to be really, really boring. I mean, people at work are sooo quiet. Don't get me wrong. Some of them are really nice and it's okay talking with them. But the thing is, most of the time, they talk only when Annabs and I talk to them. Not that I'm being a ham, but we're the life of the office! You'd hear laughter and talks in the small room only when Annabs and I start up a conversation. Since being the entertainer wears out after awhile without much input from the audience, we got tired after awhile. We tried out everything to get them to "party" even while working. All efforts, unfortunaly, were in vain.

Since Annabs and I were used to colors and happiness, we got bored with the whole situation. We - or at least I - had to drag myself to work almost everyday. The colorful clothes I wear no longer worked in making me gay. Add the 6-day work week to that and you get one really, really bored Karen. And on Annabs' part, the non-existence of alcohol made the whole thing almost unbearable. So on Tuesday, I let her have her taste of water...the first in two weeks.

We went to Behrouz and met with Kints and Val. I was so proud of myself: I was surrounded by my beloved Red Horse yet I manged to stave off the call of beer. I ordered C2. The night was the happiest Annabs and I have been for the longest time!

We got updates from Val and her Batangas-tripping and 24-watching boss-slash-"constant" date...who I wish will be - to borrow Annabs' words - "Val's favorite word - open". Also updates from Kints who kept on saying, over and over, "May boyfriend na ko." Although things are looking good for her and Bunso (the second of four), Kints seem to have the same problem as Val...OPEN-NESS. Nakupow!

The night ended with four guys offering us a free round of beer (Val was not with us anymore at this point). I said "No, thanks" but Kints indulged them and let herself be treated to not just one, not just two, but THREE bottles of San Mig Light. Maybe it was the start of Hailie's reinvention because at that time I was so suplada, not even joining in the converation; when normally, on situations like these, I am so out there, flirting, flipping my hair, and laughing. This time out, I let Kints entertain the group of four even when it was pretty obvious that one of the guys (I failed to remember his name even after just 5minutes of him introducing himself) was into me. Maybe I'm morphing into a manang. Or maybe I'm just tired of the scene. Surely after Episodes 1 and 2 (and an episode that I failed to mention here), I have learned my lesson. Some people are just not worth the effort. Especially if these people get your number and asks you if he can take you home because "baka hindi mo na kaya" when he knows perfectly well that all you drank was C2. And most especially if that person texts you, "Where n u?" Aargh! Double "Aargh" if he calls you at around 6:30 in the morning and NOT TALK AT ALL. Sigh...why do I have the penchant for attracting the wrong guys?

Yet that was just one scene in a good episode. Just like any TV show, nothing goes perfect. That was just the hitch.

Anyways, to Annabs, Val, and Kints...this won't be our last episode. After June 30, Hailie shall have "water" again. Amen.

Feeling:

Lovestruck
All ears: Fix You Coldplay

| hAiLiE posted at 2:43:00 PM | |

Monday, July 03, 2006

A Celebration...

...of victory.

If you're a Filipino, you probably know that Manny Pacquiao won after 12 rounds against Oscar "Chololo" Larios yesterday. Although everybody was gearing for a knockout, hell, a win's a win. Thank you, Pacquiao for doing us Filipinos proud. I don't know about you guys, but I sure am excited about November.

...of Loco Rocos.

I am a big Hello Kitty fan...the sight of the famous Japanese feline in pink dresses never fails to make me smile. Yet working for QJ had me exposed to these cute blubby things who are the stars of the PSP game Loco Roco. And as much as I'm still in the process of owning everything Hello Kitty, I think I'm about to start pining for everything Loco Roco.

...of closed chapters.

I finally saw my "boyfriend" again last Friday. I wasn't able to give him a piece of mind. I wasn't able to unleash the devil in me. Yet now, I can honestly say he is a forgotten chapter. Thank God for letting me close the gay vocalist chapter of my life. Again, auf wiedersehen und Ruhen Sie in Frieden. Amen.

...of tough decisions.

After having my first taste of beer in almost two months, I realized that beer doesn't do me much good. Although I'm not totally closing my doors on my 'bestfriend' Red Horse, for now I'd have to say that it will be a looooong time before it touches my lips again. Ich werde Sie verpassen!

...of acceptance.

I'd rather keep this to myself.

All in all, it's a good time to be alive. And sober.

Feeling:

Super happy
All ears: Buttons The Pussycat Dolls

| hAiLiE posted at 2:02:00 PM | |